Actualizată în: 16 Oct. 2020
This is the end of this trilogy.
When you end a relationship with your supposed soulmate, there should not be a war.
But when the war is about defending your innate right to Happiness and Love, then I think we should all consider this defense, no questions asked, not remorses, no stress.
After my last blog post here, about my personal so-called "love life", I have not written anything. I just didn't feel a need... Although I have allowed myself, in my private thoughts, to give myself 1 full year of recovery mode through writing, psycho-therapy, books, travels, happy moments, cartoons and comedies, self-help and the help of others, I actually got myself back, to my real, zen state, in an instant.
And I mean it deeper than it sounds. Do you remember how awhile ago I did an interviews series called "5' To Transform Lives", in which I talked to spiritual entrepreneurs (women) from all over the world, and gave them a problem to solve and 5 minutes to come up with a transformational solution?
Because I believed the positive shift in consciousness was sudden, just as the "malfunctioning" was.
Well, it happened exactly like that!
I really believe that shifts in our consciousness happen like a Big Bang.
But all the factors have to be in place for that Big Bang to happen. Usually, it's a pain point.
It's an "auch, it hurts so badly!". Other times, like it happened to me when I first went to India, it can be state of "I will pretend I don't want to know my real self and true happiness in life anymore, hm!" - that comes out of fear, of course. Because I had searched and searched and searched for so long, that I eventually quit. I quit the searching, not the questions. Which allowed for a new door of light to open. It's pretty simple, if you think about it:
You cannot open a door of pure Light, using a key of Darkness.
So, coming back to this "broken-heart" story now, after my last blog post I felt really bad: betrayed, left without an option to speak, to defend The Love that I always cared for so much about in life. It was not about me and it will never be.
It was about Venus, if you get what I mean. 😅
It's always about: what do you want to be known for?
The one that is submissive and receives all the hits, or the one that stands firm, proud, unconquerable on the battlefield?
The battlefield is not one of love, but one of Self-love under attack - with a capital S, yes.
And the plot is deep and spiritual, of course. Because we are talking about the Self that is not yours, because you have not created it. So if the Self is not yours, but it expresses Itself as you, then shouldn't you defend your given Self against any attacks? Because you are not defending the ego - which is just an illusions of the mind, but your defending the Self. On the other hand, this Self (Aham-Kara) is connected to a Soul. Thank you, God, for the Soul that is immortal an untouchable! But the Self is not so untouchable and risks to carry forward the confusions we have with the roles we play in this lifetime. Fear will be carried upon later on - and fear has nothing to do with the nature of the Soul. Guilt. Remorses.
Social etiquettes. Illusions of the mind, basically. All these will be engraved in our energy as they are energy forms.
You cannot touch a feeling or a thought - that doesn't mean it doesn't exist, just like the microwaves. For this Self, I wanted to express, to share, to talk, to let the story out and with it, to alleviate the pain I felt. A little pain, the kind of pain you feel when you realize someone betrayed your trust. Or when you believed something about someone and it turns out the exact opposite of that. But I always use a quote I learned from my online marketing teacher, Billy Gene:
Everything that happens in life is your fault.
Now, you know me... I don't fancy the word "fault" at all. But you got the point. Not seeing someone for what he/she is, putting the Soul principle above anything and thinking the other one will act accordingly to his/her soul, that is definitely one's "fault". So I took it seriously and started to research more about it: mainly, psycho-therapy and related books on parents, toxic relationships, psychopaths etc.
But as everyone was saying "Daiana, you should just drop this story behind and not share or write about that person anymore", guess what?
I received a private message!
From someone who has been in almost the same situation as I did. Not gerally speaking, but with the same person. And here is where I want to add a big mark-up:
Follow your intuition, when you are really sure about it, against all the odds!
This time, I really listened to that Love Warrior and stood there for the Self. I really believed that nope, we cannot come into this world and pretend there are no cosmic laws, not God to see what we do - and I don't meant it an punishing way. I just mean it in a responsible way, in a dharmic way. Dharma is about realizing your one true Self.
Thus, your potential as that Self.
Hence, your true reality will be according to this realization of the Self and you can live your life freely, as you wish. Because it is understood that everything you wish for will be according to the Law Of Dharma: you know who you are, which means no separations from others/the rest. Or, in more common words, you also know who "others" are. And you are one with them. You cannot harm them - that would be like harming yourself. But when that doesn't happen, it means that person has not realized his dharma. And it's not my fault, nor my responsibility to chance that for him/her. In the case of my former partner, I did very well to leave. There was no hope, no chance of getting there, in a dharmic place. But there was a chance of me not manifesting my dharma because of a psycho game.
In my definition, a psycho game is one in which you play a role.
It's actually the definition of a psychological game from Transactional Analysis.
Your love the role more than the game and more than yourself. That is called adharmic.
And it's debated a lot in psychology, of course - under a different terminology. And so I left the relationtrulyship aware that I was simply fooling myself. But I didn't regret writing and speaking out loud about what I shouldn't have done. The trap is always ours: because most of the times, we have the power to say "no, thank you, I am not buying into this. It's simply not part of my path. Bye". Not doing that in exchange for a status-quo (in love, married or engaged, future wife or future mother, family person, lover, soul-mates, business-mates etc.) is the worst trap ever: it simply kills your Self, it makes it fade. And I really mean it: I felt my energy was so low, I couldn't get out of bed some days... I ended up going to doctors, of course...
But that's a story for another time.
And a happy ending one, believe me - just like this one.
The Happy Ending Story Part
So after I thought my suffering would perpetuate for more and that I might not be able to drop all the memories and the betrayal I felt, I got that letter from that woman. Who confirmed things I could have never imagined to be true! I spoke to her long... I spoke to her as she was my soul-mate - and in a sense, she was. She told me all the things she went through - which helped a lot, because I was only then able to see the patterns. The exact same games! The same words! The same moves!
Stories from the past! Everything that I knew and thought it only happened to me, had actually happened before. In grief for her, but I screamed to the heavens: Hallelujah!
Can you believe the relief I felt? Knowing that 10% of me that still doubted myself - if I was good enough, if it was about me not being a corporate lady making many more thousands of dollars per month - knowing that doubtful part was wrong. That woman's story exposed me to a reality I had never known before. I realized I have been wrongly accused of lying, when I was constantly being lied.
I realized the level of sickness that man could have.
The level of lies that were so, so deeply rooted, that probably he believed them himself. And I felt so, so happy! And around that time, I also re-realized that my body was just a pure as my soul. That I should never regret my actions, because I have acted from a state of pure love. And that the Soul is never, never touched by anything.
And since I was still alive, it meant nothing that tragic happened at all. Like I said, it actually removed all those little doubts and bang...
Big Bang - I was complete again!
And ever since then, I never felt bad in any way. No more memories, no more crying for myself, no more remorses, no more blame. All gone with the wind... Back to my wholesomeness.
But I did feel so grateful for having that women writing to me, that I felt something should be done for other women who might still doubt themselves when getting out of relationships - either good or not so good. So I decided to host a virtual summit in mid November, to bring together a lot of specialists in behavioral psychology, but also in all sorts of psycho-therapies, to talk about how to totally get out of toxic relationships with a big smile. And not just with lovers, with partners, but with everyone.
A virtual summit with tens of experts, but also with women who would have the courage to share their stories with us - to inspire us through their strength!
A virtual summit where we get to understand us first!
And realize that something "of us", something we still carry on, like a bag attached to our shoulders, puts us on the path of attracting or allowing people that pull us down in love and life.
It will be about identifying dysfunctional patterns, but also about getting out of them.
However, it will not be about blame. Whatever I wrote before, whatever one might have understood, but I want everyone reading this to know I don't blame my ex-partner at all. I take the full, complete "blame" - let's call it responsibility for my life, that's what it actually is.
I should have been more aware. More tuned into my intuition. Into my sixth-sense. Into the signs that showed the "no, stay away from this guy", rather than the cute ones that said "yes, he is the one". But human love has it's funny ways...
That's my it's important to be aware.
Always in your divine space. Not imagine and project your own way of being into the other person - that's called in plain English "fooling yourself".
I should have known better, not anyone else.
But being a dreamer for so many years, it is hard to quit a bad habbit without a bit of experience, of practice. This was the practice. Lesson learned. Hoping to share it with other women, many more, in November - because we should learn, as women, to stay in our sacred space - that's so crucial! Without that sacred space within us and around us, we cannot create at our full potential, therefore we cannot fully be - which leads to an adharmic life, as I just said before. So that's it, my lady readers of my blog and Love Warrior story. The Warrior is still there, the Love is still here, but the war is over. The battle between myself and me is gone. The Love won, of course, like Gandhi Ji said once...
Love always wins, at the end.
The real Self won, so I am back to the sacred space that once, about 6 years ago, discover it existed in my whole being... Just like the texts say it:
When dwelling in that "space", there is no pain.
There is no suffering...
There is no blame... There is only unity - in the real sense, where Time and Space cease to exist. And from that serenity, on my birthday this year, October the 3rd, I lit a candle for the soul of the one I thought would be my partner for eternity. I also lit one for my soul. I prayed for both, equally, knowing that they are truly one. And I, as Daiana, have been blessed to observe that unity in this life time - no other Happiness can be great than that one! I am thankful to The Lord and to The Goddess and to my precious Ganesh for releasing me once more from the mind trap that I was falling into. I home, back home, safe, in peace, in Zen. Therefore, this is the last letter about my love affair that I can write to myself. And the only reason for which I am sharing this story today is because I wanted to continue helping other women who might still be suffering in misery because of not knowing how to clearly look at some people or situations in their lives. That's why the virtual summit - I will use my experience + the expert guides to get you out of there, no doubt. As for myself, I am gone.
In full harmony and bliss. I don't need 1 year to recover from a broken heart - I just needed some wise people to appear at the perfect timing in my life and to allow myself to meditate in peace on the question that already had an answer for, now: "who am I?". I wish for the whole humankind the same!
Stay in your dharma.
Find it, and stick to it!
That is the key to every human problem there might ever be... The end of the trilogy.
- drop of the Infinite Goddess, as we all are...